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Text Soap

An iMessage chat becomes fodder for daytime drama

This begins one morning with my friend in San Diego telling me about an earthquake they just had.

It was loud. We just laid there and said “is this an earthquake? I think this is an earthquake.”

Like is this an earthquake just go back to sleep

It’s more like “this is an earthquake. Check the Internet. Yup. Earthquake. This is the size. This is the epicenter. Check social media. Make sure the East Coast knows I’m alive. Okay, try and go back to sleep.”

👍🏻

Glad you’re safe

So now it's time for me to get back to work:

Time to write some code where I left off

She says:

Previously on As the Code Turns

So I decide to have a little fun with that hand-off:

Previously...

Brock went to the hospital to check on Cyntheeah...

Notice the pretentious spelling of “Cyntheeah”...

While in her hospital room, Diego is standing outside looking through the door window and can hear the entire conversation because he has super hearing.

Elsewhere, Biff has plans to take down the entire Caspian family with his secret about how Roger Caspian used to be...REGINA Caspian!

Haha

And the budding romance between teens Erika and Johnny bloom

Back at the hospital, cuz who doesn’t hang out at hospitals in their free time, amirite...

Riiiiight

Brock leaves Cyntheeah’s room, and Diego sneaks in while she sleeps...

It’s the worst hospital in the world cuz they leave her chart out for anyone to see...

While the nurse isn’t watching Diego looks at her chart...

And discovers...

[bad music]...[Commercial]

...TO BE CONTINUED...

Gotta run, have a safe day in the sun ☀️

Haha, talk to you later.

So that was a fun exercise. I wasn't planning on doing anything more with it. But by mid-morning I got inspired...

Heiress Lexus von Doberman - cuz all towns have an heiress - takes an interest in her new pool man, Rodrigo...

Lexus’s time sunbathing by the pool is interrupted by Biff who has some juicy information on the Caspian family...

The Caspians are the largest juice bar magnate in the tri-state area and Lexus plans to take them down, for no reason in particular, just because it’s good daytime drama...

Incidentally, Lexus’s daughter is Erika. And Erika’s love interest Johnny? Johnny Caspian. Cuz no one saw that little plot twist coming...

I started sending these back throughout the day like scenes from a 5-act play:

Back at the hospital, Diego sneaks out of Cyntheeah’s room with a copy of her chart under his arm, right in front of the nurse’s station, but no one notices cuz all the nurses are gossiping. Again, worst. Hospital. Ever.

Diego sneaks around the corner to the vending machine, looks in the chart again, with one eyebrow raised and a smirk, and scheming music playing in the background...

[bad music]...[Commercial]

This is awesome

Brock returns to his home which is amazingly well-lit with track lighting in every room. His maid Juanita tells him that “Ze strange man come by ask question about señor Brock”. Brock makes a call and plans a meeting...

Meanwhile at the beach cabana, Erika, Johnny and friends makes plans for a weekend getaway cruise as all 17-year-olds do...

Incidentally, last week Erika and Johnny were 10 years-old, but kids don’t age fast enough for daytime drama, so now they are 17! Overnight! Like magic!

By early afternoon I could tell the story had taken on a life of its own.

Brock arrives at a restaurant for a lunch with his old marine buddy, Joze (not a misspelling) cuz nothing says “secret meeting” like a public restaurant in the middle of the day with plenty of on-lookers.

Back at the hospital Dr. Stewart Collins is examining Cyntheeah. Both went to high school together and Stewart had an unrequited crush on her. He looks for her chart but it’s missing...

Dr. Stew asks the nurse if anyone has been in Cyntheeah’s room and the nurse says “just her brother...”, to which Dr. Stew replies “she has no brother...”

[bad music]…[Commercial]

Haha

Of course, I needed to introduce more characters, cuz that would really expand the iMessage soap universe...

Brock walks outside the restaurant and gets a phone call from his mother, Amelia, who has more money than Jesus Christ and casually wears padded blazers at home for the fun of it...

“Darling...just calling cuz I’m dreading having drinks at the club with that Doberman bitch.”

“Can’t talk now mom...”

“Yes, yes, always something to do with the downtrodden folk”

As Brock hangs up he notices seated at a table across the street someone who suspiciously looks like Diego. But as a bus passes by the seat is now empty.

Joze heads to the beach club for his “day job” as the former Iraq vet is now in charge of the swanky up-scale beach resort...

He spots Johnny and whistles to his favorite cabana boy. “Towels need to be changed in Cabana #5, lady and her poodle need more sunscreen.“

Johnny, having forsaken his family’s juice bar fortune, is working a “real job” for his own cash. Plus, the beach club is a good spot to make lots of coke deals.

Joze goes into his office, shuts the door, and opens his wardrobe filled with cheap Love Boat white jackets, à la Capt. Stubing. Behind the blazers is a safe...

Joze unlocks the safe and pulls out a stack of bills and two hand guns. He raises an eyebrow, loads a clip into one of the guns...

[bad music]...[Commericial]

I dunno who Joze is, but I don’t wanna be on his bad side.

This is GOLD!

Naturally.

Lexus and Amelia have drinks at the country club but each hates the other. Lexus casually mentions she has a new pool man. She also knows that Amelia has been sleeping with her right hand man Biff. No one know what any of this has to do with anything, but the scheming is afoot...

Back at the hospital, Brock returns to see Cyntheeah but Dr. Stew stops him in the hall. He asks about the missing chart, cuz doctors don’t bother with security, they just do it all themselves. Dr. Stew won’t let Brock see her...

Brock goes behind the nurses station and raids the drawers for some Vicodin, cuz the nurses are too busy doing something other than their job. Just as Brock turns the corner he’s met face-to-face with...

DAMIAN CASPIAN!

Damian is the older brother to Johnny and the rebel of the Caspian juice bar clan. He’s obviously not at the hospital to sell smoothies...

This is classic rebel guy with rebel name showing up at the most inconvenient time.

At the beach club, cabana boy Johnny is changing towels when he spots Biff. He knows Biff from when he’d sneak out of Erika’s bedroom at the same time Biff was sneaking out Lexus’s window. Also Biff drives a 1984 Pontiac Fierro

Biff is there to pick up Erika and to score some blow from the high school dealers. Johnny hides behind a towel rack and sees Joze, sporting a Magnum PI Hawaiian shirt with two Glock 9’s leaving his office.

As Joze leaves he spots Biff, and Biff spots him. The camera closes in on their faces and they squint...

[bad music]...[Commercial]

So by the end of the day I knew I needed to tie up things. The final act:

[Cut to Diego on a boat in the marina]

Diego is talking on the phone. Remarkably his phone service is crystal clear.

Back at the hospital, Damian and Brock stare each other down. No one says anything, no one flinches or blinks. Damian is holding a smoothie...

That kind of thing probably does happen a lot in real life...

Brock turns around and goes back to Cyntheeah’s room. The nurse tries to stop him, which is uncharacteristic of the nurse since she hasn’t been doing her job at all today. As Brock opens the hospital room door he and the nurse see the bed is empty...

Cyntheeah is gone...

Damian strolls in behind: “Well well well, isn’t that lovely.”

Lexus returns homes to find her pool man Rodrigo in her bedroom and looking through her drawers...

Lexus: “What the hell?!” Rodrigo: “No hablo Englais, señora.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She sees what he’s holding. “I think I have the perfect job for you, Rodrigo.”

Joze is in his car applying a fake mustache to his face, cuz he’s always been a Tom Selleck fan. He checks his Glock, puts on his sunglasses, then lets the tires of his Ford Ranchero squeal down the road.

And so...

The Caspians plan to introduce a new chocolate with red pepper smoothie at their juice bar that could cause controversy…and a make a few enemies...

Erika is at Johnny’s house and both are packing for the weekend cruise. Their dialog is only for the younger viewers: Beyoncé this, Kanye that...

Diego’s boat blows up.

...CLIFFHANGER...

😎

😱

And just like that, a new genre of daytime drama was born: Text Soap.